The very first entry...

The very first entry. Guess i'm quite nervous in a way seeing as the reason why i've managed to stay strong and survive this long most likely is due to the fact that i've been very good at not stopping to think to much about how tragic the situation really is and here i am - having created a Blog solely for the purpose of pondering and ultimately sharing these past 7 years with all of you. Nuts. Well, it has it's reason just like everything else in life. The reason being my need to get a few things off my chest and me more and more lately having felt the need for there to be some kind of record to leave behind in case of something happening to me.

I fell ill at the age of 16 and am now in my mid twenties. Even after all these years it seems i'm frighteningly worse off then most other ME patients i've heard of seeing as i'm still 100% tied to my bed as a direct result of me not receiving the proper care early on and in what is supposed to be healthCARE, i wrongfully ended up in the firm [and relentlessy narrow minded] grasp of the psychiatric sector having to fight for my life as well as my dignity and later on freedom. Literally. Am now left to fend for myself outside the world of so-called healthcare and am having to be my own doctor in most ways. It makes me sad when i think about that i lost what would have been some of the most exciting and wonderful years of my life. Senior high, College. Gone. Just like that. Sure, i'm "just 23 still", but If things do not drastically improve in my quest for better health, i do not know if i will make it out of this alive much due to the complications of having had to spend so many years in bed as well as the enormous strain my symptoms have on my body. However, i've made it this far and i'm not about to give up now. Especially since i've been making small progress what looks like due to the recommendation of certain medicine by the Professor that gave me my diagnosis. I'll provide further description as to what those are exactly, later on.

I am not looking for sympathy. Sympathy and pity can't help me. However, if something does happen to me, i want there to be a record of the fact that i excisted. That i lived. What i went through just to be able to wake up in the morning, only to have to spend the rest of the day in bed and in pain. Lost to the world, i need to get this off my chest.

This is my road. My journey. My life. My Blog.

P.S - Oh and if you're wondering what's up with the whole "A world between tables" thing - it's an expression often used to describe a patient's situation when he/she is being bounched around within healthcare with neither side wanting to take responsibility for the well being and care of the patient