The move

Sorry for the lack of updates, been awfully stressful lately regarding the move and it's hit me hard. My mom and i have been fighting more then usual, which was a lot to begin with and it too has taken it's toll. I really wanted to not have that kind of stress around me but unfortunately i'll need mom to tag along as a personal assistant as otherwise i won't have enough money left over each month for food. She's promised to help me financially but can only do so if she keeps some hours each week as one of my PA's. Sigh...what can i do?

Been trying desperately to find work that i can do from bed and also in regards to my hard time concentrating, but have come up with basically nothing.

As i mentioned earlier, all three PA positions have been filled including mom and what's going on now is that i'm trying to get enough help to move all my stuff to the apartment at the same time as i'm selling off most of my stuff to fund the new necessary furniture and kitchen appliances. The extra workload of helping me pack the stuff for sale has understandably caused even more strain on my mom and she sure is taking it out on me big time. I get to hear i'm fat, lazy, ugly, the devil's spawn etc etc and she gets to hear the B-word as well as many other variations, right back. And on and on it goes. I WISH i could package everything myself and i WISH i didn't have to have two complete strangers in my new home running around and my mom whom i [although i understand her reasons] sometimes utterly despise, also present in an apartment that was going to be my fresh start away from all that stress. I WISH. Wishing is the only thing i can do it seems and i always end up feeling completely powerless as nothing ever goes the way i plan. I can't enforce my will from bed and always end up getting overrun, even in the move to my own apartment when it comes to all the details surrounding the move. I'm utterly helpless and i hate it.

In contrast of all that, i'm thrilled that so many things have gone down lately that will ultimately increase my independence - the move to my own place, the electric wheelchair and finally the other day i noticed that the high pitched tones are heavily reduced on my new cell-phone when on the lowest sound settings, to the degree that i am actually able to stand the sound of other peoples voices over the phone. Most likely what ever filter in the brain that is responsible for filtering out damaging tones in noises isn't doing it's job for whatever reason and it's a horrible handicap as not only does loud [especially] high-pitched sounds feel like someone's stabbing your brain with a serrated edged kitchen knife, but people look at you like you're insane when wearing those ridiculous little ear protectors. They rarely say anything, which is worse then if they'd just ask why you're wearing them and instead they pass judgement without any kind of basic communication - similar to the evaluation procedure used in my case when establishing each and every one diagnosis during my stay at the various psychiatric facilities i was sent to against my will before cleared of any and all psychiatric causes to my illness. As i've mentioned earlier, i've received diagnosis from people whom i've never even met, only so they could justify getting me out of the way, making me anyone else's problem but their own. With that came me being sent to the next stop, the next useless and abusing facility to drain my already low energy levels needed for proper rehabilitation and take away from my chances of ever getting back up on my feet.

As i'm typing, one of the PA's is helping me package some glass shelves belonging to my glass cabinets. I wonder what she thinks of me and my condition. After all the talk that ME is a so called yuppie decease etc. One can't help but wonder what people around one self are thinking. It's a real shame, not only that some of the more narrow-minded people that ever walked this planet are getting as much attention in their ramblings on ME/CFS but also that so many lazy bums use chronic illness diagnosis to gain some sort of financial security, thus when caught making the people that are really suffering from the condition, look bad.

I expect that the ordeal of moving will be done with within two to three weeks as there are still plenty of stuff in need of moving but not that many people to move them.

Actually finally got to visit my apartment after having received the permit to travel with handicap travel busses since the transport company that took me in the past when i needed to visit a doctor or hospital, doesn't take you if your destination is a non-healthcare location (like ones apartment). Unless of course, you're going home to your apartment from a healthcare location. Can you say "red tape"? I can.

I was disappointed to learn that the handicap travel buss personnel weren't as professional or as knowledgeable as the previous transport company in regards to how to carry someone laying down on a stretcher. As a result they dropped me several times both coming down the stairs and on our way back upwards on the journey home. i sure have the bruises to prove it.

Over and out, for now.