And the circus stays in town for one more night

Hey there. Haven't had the health to post an entry for a while.

This whole apartment fiasco is keeping both me and my immune system busy. A lot of physical strain in front (or should i say under?) of the computer and a lot of oral herpes outbreaks later, i've managed to both get somewhere and absolutely nowhere in my quest to find an apartment in Stockholm. The Valtrex 15 day treatment have done a good job though and for the past few days i've felt a lot better with three days to go on the treatment. I know the outbreaks would have been a lot worse if i hadn't been on Valtrex, that's for sure.

Also i've started to notice that when i strain myself, really strain myself, my nose gets runny. Actually happened a lot before as well but now that it happened recently i got reminded of it.

Anywhooo...i've come to terms with the fact that the part of the state and the LSS people where i live can't to squat for me when it comes to an apartment and the que i mentioned earlier won't give any result for another 3-4 years considering where i am in the que at the moment and how long the poeple who are ahead of everyone else and are actually getting apartments, have been in it.

The solution you ask? Unfortunately the solution isn't a knight in shining armor who'll make the LSS people work their rear-ends off to help me take back some of the control and independence i once had in my life but rather to have someone take a huge bank loan on my behalf and actually buy an apartment. There is no other way. Now i look forward to me hopefully someday getting to the point where i can call myself at least semi-healthy, mixed with the fear of the possible inability to pay off the huge mortgage on the apartment and being completely swept clean by the high interest.

As if i don't already have enough things to worry about. I'll most likely not live all that long even IF i manage to get to that semi-healthy state. One of my big dreams of having children is gone as ME is most likely a genetic condition and i couldn't possibly "take my chances" with passing this horrible faith on to my child. I have scars all over my body from all the mysterious stretchmarks so i won't exactly be visiting any of my beloved beaches nor will i most likely feel like showing myself doing what i loved doing best - swimming. But hey, if i ever get out of this mess enough to actually visit the beach, let alone make it out of my bed, i doubt i'll care much about how i'll look.

That's the only remotely positive thing about this whole mess - it sure has put things in perspective.


Later.